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1.18.2006
Daniel.
Last year was like major crap...imagine going through all those pains and troubles and only being 13! I felt really unlucky. Its just that i felt new things that i've never felt before like pain and suffering, anger and hate. I was forced to grow up in so many ways.

Im 14 now and i feel OLD. haha. I realize things now. I have grown up a lot. Maybe realized my mistakes, maybe not. I didnt like my 13th year because i had my realizations in life because of my cousins, like, family, etc.

My cousin is soon leaving. Just thinking about it gives me pain. Not outside pain which goes away but a pain that gets stronger as each second passes by. He has been one of my best friends as i now realize, a true person to lean on in times of trouble. He was like a shining light in my dark days, always there to make me laugh when i felt like i was drowning in pain. He has such a passion for everything around him and he radiates in everything that he does. I admire him a lot since i was little. I realize that i have always wanted to be like him. Do acting with him, sing like him. The only thing talent that he had that i couldnt do was his drawing. I will never be good in art but i love art. See? my internal structure is built like him.

I am now grown up. I decided to follow my own path. I am discovering my passions but i will always know that he will be there for me. He loves me very much, knows me best. Knows when im sad or angry or happy. He knows me. Im sad, angry, depressed, every single sad emotion is in me when i think that nhe is going to leave for college and start his new life. I love him a lot. I have always kind of relied on him on all these days.

I kind of wish that i wasnt that close to him so that i wouldnt feel this pain but i am fortunate to have known him at all. He is my cousin and my confidant. My mentor, counselor and best friend.
I will let him go. I told him i would. I will be brave enough to step down on that airport and cry as little as possible as he leaves. Guess im being over dramatic. But im being me. I will always miss him. He matters so much. I know that in this last window of time we have together we have to spend as much time together but face the impending truth of time. Time is such a punishment. I wish to cry with him at least together before he goes. It means much.

Grabe this is so dramatic. Bottomline is that im going to miss him.

~ { 1/18/2006 08:15:00 PM }
aiming for the sky above;